I have a weird relationship with the video camera. Specifically the action of pressing record. For the past few years I have made it a habit to record moments in my life that are vulnerable/intimate and even boring. Making myself the subject of this documentation. I switch between performing for the camera and not. There is an inherent pressure to perform and show "interesting" moments, whatever that means, for the audience. But there is no audience at the time of the recordings only myself. For this project I used security cameras to surveillance my room for 28 days, especially now that we are in lockdown, global pandemic, curfew, fines, restrictions etc. I am curious about my repeated behaviours, the routine I have while isolated at home, the innate obsession of voyeurism since now our social media experience has been heightened from not being able to socialize in the physical world. This time around I tried my best to resist performing, to not alter my identity to show more appealing and intrusive work of the female body and experience. One realization I had while in the process of this work is that surveillance is suppose to make you feel secure but when it is pointed towards yourself it make you insecure, it was more emotionally draining than expected since the physical camera feels very intrusive to my personal space. One of the hardest challenges was dealing with the silence and stillness, in the recordings, in my mind and in my life. The camera became the audience and my thought process began personifying it. This first instalment is only from the first seven days.
There are scenes of partial nudity and masturbation.